14 Signs You’re a Sleep-Deprived Parent

I know I’m not the first person out there to write about being a sleep-deprived parent. If you have kids, there is a 99% chance that you’ve had a period of time where you weren’t getting enough sleep. And if that’s not true, I don’t want to hear about it from you; you and your smug face can leave.

But there is something strangely satisfying in either writing about it or reading about it. Something to do with misery loving company, perhaps? I don’t know. Either way, I am here to tell you you’re not alone, and I have probably done something dumber than you, due to sleep deprivation.

  1. You have children.
  2. You find a sippy cup filled with milk. It’s been put away in the cupboard with the clean sippy cups.
  3. The empty mug next to you smells like coffee, and has coffee residue at the bottom, but you don’t remember drinking that first cup.
  4. You find yourself counting down the minutes until your baby’s first nap, from the moment he wakes up for the day.
  5. You fall asleep one paragraph into your new book. Every. Night.
  6. You can’t remember if what you just made for dinner is exactly the same as the night before. You don’t care.
  7. In fact, you’re too goddamn tired to cook anything for yourself at all, so you eat cereal or some Goldfish for dinner (locked in the bathroom, so your child doesn’t see you eating them and ask for more) while the kids eat a balanced meal. They’re more important than you anyhow.
  8. You actually master the art of micro-napping while doing pretty much anything. People don’t know it’s a thing, but it is. All you need is 3-5 seconds at a time. In fact I just did it while writing this particular point. I laughed out loud when I realized this.
  9. You look at the clock to check the time, go back to doing what you were doing, and then realize you didn’t actually register what the time was. You find yourself doing this multiple times in a row.
  10. Your spouse says something to you, and you find yourself staring blankly at them, because your face didn’t respond at the same time as your brain.
  11. You find yourself being an Asshole parent, because you can’t think straight around your kids at ALL.
  12. Micro-napping. Did I mention that already? Sorry, I just did it again.
  13. You laugh at the articles everywhere telling you that you’ve been drinking coffee wrong this whole time. Why? Because those people are clearly not measuring cortisol levels in a parent who has been up 18 times during the night with one child and is then woken up at 5:15am for the day by another.
  14. Never mind forgetting why you came into a room. You often forget why you’re leaving a room, as you’re leaving it.
  15. You start getting your children to make day to day decisions for you. You call this “teaching them independence and life skills,” but really, it’s because you can’t think straight.
  16. You enter the wrong number in the title of your blog post about being a sleep-deprived parent. Oddly fitting, no?

So we all know there are WAY more signs that you’re a sleep-deprived parent than what I’ve listed. The problem is that I’m too bloody tired to think of the rest right now. So have at it in the comments: what are the signs that you’re a sleep-deprived parent?

~g

19 thoughts on “14 Signs You’re a Sleep-Deprived Parent

  1. ceemma says:

    – Looking blanky at my screen… for long seconds. And then wondering why I am even in front of my computer or what I was going to write.
    – being seated and knowing there is something I need to do… but not being able to remember what. So, getting up, leaving the room and then… remmbering I was going to drink my cup of coffee.
    – and realising my coffee is actually three hours cold.
    – and so on.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Darlene D says:

    LMAO!! #8 Totally! I was micro napping yesterday at red lights, which I admit is NOT a good idea.
    My tolerance for humour decreases when I’m sleep deprived. Which is especially bad since my marriage is built on a strong foundation of making fun of each other :/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glynis says:

      Hahahaha, I definitely feel you on the lack of humour, the more tired you are. Although sometimes my humour just bends toward slightly manic/crazy at that point 😉

      Like

    • S says:

      I think all parents have done this while driving as bad as it is. I was so tired once while driving that I actually kept slapping myself in the face to stay awake…true story!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nellemarie says:

        Yes I agree most parents have micro napped at red lights. Two thoughts: 1) to make it marginally safer, out the vehicle in park so you don’t roll in to the intersection and cause an accident. 2) when your kids get older they can actually be put to use by alerting you when the light turns green. Bad parenting moment, maybe. Sometimes it is about survival.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Emma S. Floret says:

    8, 9, and 10, though! xD YES! Also signs of a sleep-deprived student; glad to see I’m already preparing for parenthood as well! xD 😀

    Like

  4. Tina says:

    All of these are completely accurate! One more: standing in the hall at 3 am holding a crying, colicky baby and realizing you finally, totally get the “Stewie” vs “Lois” in family guy followed by uncontrollable, maniacal laughter that wakes up your husband.

    Like

  5. Glenda says:

    When I put a tea bag in a mug and make tea with an old coffee pod in the Keurig. Coffee tea mixed together cause you need that much java! Or back out of the driveway with out looking cause of a micro nap, Only to find a large dumptruck inches from your bumper. Or put child in car seat, start driving to buy coffee, realize that you never did up the buckles on the car seat, pull over do them up and then have a micronap before driving again.

    Liked by 1 person

Please. Tell me I'm not the only one.